Tegan’s visions are a grotesque commentary on the TARDIS crew (and to some extent Doctor Who itself), and Hindle’s rage finds form in horrifically blunt sentiments: “I have the power of life and death over all of you” – something that happens often in Doctor Whobut is never so baldly stated. Beyond the superficially disturbing mania and imagery, there’s depth to these shocks. The scenes inside Tegan’s mind have an Edward Gorey vibe, all monochrome and sharp lines, and Hindle’s descent into child-like madness is chilling. We’re shown blazing images of indeterminate meaning, and before we can recover from what appears to be a vision of the apocalypse, a supporting character has died without obvious reason. Strange things happen and there’s not much room to process them. Even watching it now it has an intensity to its weirdness that gets under the skin. ‘The Happiness Patrol’ falls into this category somewhat, but it’s got nothing on the staying power of ‘Kinda’. Occasionally Doctor Who remembers that it’s allowed to be weird and unsettling. Though it’s more about disorientation than jump scares, which brings us neatly onto: 13. See also: ‘ Ghostlight’ – a haunted house story that is not a haunted house story. The effect wears off after a few viewings, but on broadcast it worked extremely well. The effect is creepy and intriguing, the lighting just right to create a series of twitchy jump-scares that are vastly more effective than most of the ones seen in Doctor Who. Amidst the scientific-sounding explanations for the ghosts, there are also the monster designs and the way they’re shot: asymmetric shapes detaching themselves from the darkness with small movements, so they viewer can’t make out what they’re looking at. This is simply a well-made haunted house story. You’ve got to read all the words guys.) 14. (Hello, incidentally, to everyone on Facebook who immediately went to complain about ‘The Happiness Patrol’ being in the list without reading the context. Not so much the cleaning robots, but the Nice Old Ladies who turn out to be cannibals (or, as my friend Claire put it, ‘those twitchy shitbags’) and then get dragged down the waste disposal chute are straight from a fairy tale and linger in the memory. See also: ‘ Paradise Towers’ is delightfully unsettling in places. It felt like a condensed burst of unsettling noises, starting with the title sequence and building to this crescendo where I simply could not cope anymore. I remember running upstairs as the Kandy Man screamed and some people ran away up a ladder. Too silly for some, enjoyably and knowingly camp for others, but as a three-year-old the sight and sounds of a giant sweetie man screaming and flailing around absolutely terrified me. The Kandy Man, a torturer who looks so like a sweet company’s mascot that they took legal action, is divisive among viewers. Possibly at my brother’s insistence we tuned into ‘The Happiness Patrol Part 2′. I’d heard of Doctor Whoas the punchline to a Knock Knock joke, but had no idea what it actually involved. In November 1988 I was three and we’d just moved from the Highlands to just outside Glasgow. This is is mine, something to bear in mind as we start with: 15. I know most people did find it scary but we all have different lists. Note now that I didn’t find ‘ Blink’ scary on broadcast (fun, but not scary – I cackled at the montage of statues at the end), so it’s not in here. Where possible I’ll try to offer some examples of similarly scary episodes, hopefully including the more objectively scary stories along the way. This isn’t a 36-year-old man trying to objectively list the 15 scariest Doctor Who stories, this is a 36-year-old man trying to remember which Doctor Who stories have scared him the most and in what context. The resulting list is, therefore, more subjective than usual because there’s an element of autobiography to it. Born in 1985, my fears were based on what little I had seen on telly and the videos I could afford – I was less likely to be able to afford a VHS double-pack so saw fewer six-parters. I can write about which episodes scared me when I was young but then I have to factor in that I hadn’t seen most of Doctor Whowhen I was young. It’s meant to scare children, and if it freaks anyone else out that’s a bonus. Doctor Who is not meant to scare me very often. Based on all known criteria, I am an adult.
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